Hi-5: Five Hottest Zombie Movie Chicks

5. Monica – Dawn of the Dead (2004), played by Kim Poirier

She’s only got one or two lines in the entire film (hardly surprising, given the breakneck pace of Zach Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead update), but poor Monica gets two of the most memorable moments in the entire flick: in the first, she’s having sex with a douchebag, and in the second, she’s accidentally being cut in half by an old bastard with a chainsaw. The whole gang of good guys is escaping the mall in an armored van, the old guy fires up the chainsaw and begins to move from one side of the van to another, the van hits a bump, and — whoops — the hottest chick in the film gets sushi-fied. Given her almost complete lack of character development, we only see Monica experiencing the two emotional extremes in life — orgasmic ecstasy and horrific, agonizing pain. The contrast is more than a little unsettling.

And just in case you wanted to see a picture of her where she isn’t getting violently murdered:

 

4. Julie Walker – Return of the Living Dead III, played by Mindy Clarke

In case you haven’t seen Return of the Living Dead III — and logic would dictate that you haven’t — the main character, Julie Walker, gets turned into a sort of half-zombie half-human hybrid thirty minutes into the film. Consumed with the simultaneous and contradictory desires to eat human flesh and love her boyfriend, poor Julie goes more or less insane with hunger and confusion throughout the film’s running time. This leads to self-mutilation (seen above), the violent murder of some evil gangsters, and an eventual showdown with the military — and through it all, Mindy Clarke is looking good. She looks evil and violent and scary, to be sure, but definitely in a sexy bondage sort of way.

Julie is the kind of chick who would have unbelievable sex with you for an hour straight, but give you roughly eight thousand cuts and bruises in the process.

 

3. Scarlet – 28 Weeks Later, played by Rose Byrne

“Rage infected humans aren’t zombies blah blah blah” shut up and die. Rage humans are zombies if only so Rose Byrne can get a spot on this list. It is a proven fact amongst those in the know that nothing is hotter than a European chick who can convincingly fake an American accent; when the woman in question is from Australia, and has one of the smoothest voices in the history of goddamn vocal cords, then we’re talking about one of the most incredibly attractive women to ever appear in any movie, zombies or no zombies.

 

2. Trash – Return of the Living Dead, played by Leanna Quigley

We already proved that real men love the flick, and Return of the Living Dead‘s most memorable scene got that way thanks to Trash’s cemetery striptease. Channeling the creepy zombie movie cliche of combining sex and violence (but much more quickly, and with a lot of ironic humor), Trash tells her friends that being surrounded by men who tear her clothes off and eat her alive would be the worst way ever to die. She then rips her clothes off and begins to dance around the cemetery, until minutes later when, of course, she dies in the exact manner she predicted and comes back as a zombie queen. Kinda unsettling and gross, kinda funny, kinda sexy; not unlike the rest of the movie.

 

1. Slack – Land of the Dead, played by Asia Argento

Few actresses seem truly at home in the nihilistic zombie genre. Asia Argento is one of them. Despite being in one of the least zombie-esque zombie movies ever made (fast zombies I can deal with; intelligent zombies aren’t, by definition, zombies at all), Argento embodies the hardcore kick-your-ass-then-shoot-a-zombie-in-the-face zombie flick badassity with I’m-a-sexy-yet-vulnerable-woman cliche of the modern horror film. She’s got the uneasy good looks of a superhot drug addict and the intelligence it takes to make a film like The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things. As a character, Slack (also, what the fuck kind of a name is “Slack”) basically acts as one of two or three truly good, moral characters in the entire flick — kind of a surprise, given how good she looks in fishnet stockings or holding a gun.

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