The 15 Coolest Fat Men

It’s time to give props to the best of the biggest: The Fat Men. If you are cruising this site instead of Fantasy Basketball, odds are you are either over- or under- weight. No luck for the matchsticks of our generation, but here we show love with an ode to the coolest fat dudes around (if we count the North Pole and Nirvana, and possibly Heaven or Hell).

15. Greg Grunberg

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Here’s a way to rock being fat—have superpowers. This lunch-sized Jew can read minds on the TV show “Heroes,” and let’s not forget he banged the Goth chick in “Felicity” (admit you saw it). He also is a do-gooder, fundraising for epilepsy research to help his disabled son. That’s what we love—magical fatties with a heart of gold.

14. Meat Loaf

 

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A hot and fat phenomenon among musicians, Meat Loaf had the voice of an opera singer, but he chose to be a rocker and bang tons of chicks instead. This shows he is also smart.

13. The fat comedians

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Jack Black, John Candy, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Oliver Hardy—Probably responsible for Borat in some way. The funny man can choose his woman.

12. Orson Welles

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As Big Poppa in “The Long Hot Summer,” and other less gay films, no one messes with Orson Wells.

11. Marlon Brando

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Running the mob or an illicit Cambodian killing machine—two more great uses of extra-large men.

10. Jabba the Hut

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Having slave girls and running the galaxy—J. Hiddy definitely was one cool mother… whatever he was.

9. Babe Ruth

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Slugger and lover. Would you call the Babe fat? Not to his face.

8. Ron Jeremy

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Possibly the biggest… man. Being a chub didn’t stop this man from having a glorious career, and his success with the ladies is well-documented.

7. James Earl Jones

 

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He can use the force, and has a voice that could make Princess Leia come. Pretty cool for a guy who was mute for eight years in his childhood (wiki’ it). He also wins things like Oscars and was on Sesame Street.

6. Kevin Smith

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He can use the force, and has a voice that could make Princess Leia come. Pretty cool for a guy who was mute for eight years in his childhood (wiki’ it). He also wins things like Oscars and was on Sesame Street.

6. Kevin Smith

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The man’s man.  Andre grew to be 7 feet high due to a disease called acromegaly, but chose not to have it treated to stay the biggest dude around.  Famous as a wrestler, we also love him for “The Princess Bride.” Once when four men harassed him in a bar, Andre chased them until they locked themselves in their car, which he then tipped over. Police never believed the drunken men’s story about a giant who tipped over their car.

4. Buddha

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Enlightened and always lucky, Buddha was originally trained as a warrior and a rather big dude. His statues look as if he appreciates good food, although he spent a lot of time fasting back in the day. The “Rub my belly for good luck” pickup line is all thanks to him.

3. Santa

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He’s got XBoxes for all and a lap big enough for every girl in the house.

2. Biggie Smalls

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Notorious for selling records even after his death, Big was both a straight-A English student and drug dealer in his childhood. He is credited with starting rejuvenating New York hip hop, and kind of started a feud with the West coast as well. Two sides to Biggie, and a whole lotta man-flesh to love.

1. Chow Yun-Fat

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Maybe that’s just his last name. Those Crouching Tiger flannels were kind of roomy.

    “Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in.” –some hussy by name of Katharine Whitehorn
    “Let me have men about me that are fat.” –Julius Caesar. Guess he was a bottom.

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