Somehow I stumbled on this album cover earlier tonight:
The Handless Organist Truly Is A Miracle of God, mostly because it led to me looking for other bad album covers. And I found lots. So many it was tough to narrow down the list here, but here are the best (worst?) 27 of the bunch (we’ll count Ms. Organist up top as number one).
2. Ken “By Request Only”
Snopes actually has a long ass thread debating whether or not this is actually a real album that you can read here. The general consensus seemed to be fake at first, which is kind of amazing considering I’ve seen this all over the internet at some time or another, but then the album showed up in an Ebay auction. The good people at Snopes then did some digging and Ken is apparently now a pastor in Iowa. Spurred by the success of the earlier Ebay auction, Ken is now unloading his personal copies of “By Request Only”. His daughter even chimes into the Snopes thread. I love the internet sometimes.
3. The Braillettes
Continuing on the Miracle of God theme.
4. The Frivolous Five “Sour Cream and Other Delights”
Really the scariest thing about this album cover is the fact that they are apparently covered in sour cream. Old person smell + dairy has to be pretty lethal.
5. The McDonald Sisters “I’ve Got Confidence”
Such an unfortunate title.
6. Alex Dobkin “Living With Lesbians”
Subtitled “Living the Dream” I imagine.
7. Tino “Por Primera Vez”
He seems super concerned that you notice the wedding ring on the left hand. Wonder why.
8. Swamp Dogg “Rat On”
I … you know, I’ve got nothing. It’s a guy riding a giant white rat. I have no idea.
9. The Best of The Singing Postman
You have to kind of wonder what the target market was for this guy, but Wikipedia says he actually dethroned the Beatles in 1966, taking over the number one spot in England for nine weeks.
10. Gary Dee Bradford “Sings for You and You and You”
Another miracle of God!
11. Hello Lovers, Roger Nusic Here For You Only
I’ve never met, or heard of, Roger Nusic, but I’m going to guess he’s kind of an odd guy.
12. Mike Crain “God’s Power”
Karatist Preacher. A very deadly combo from what I hear.
13. Paddy Roberts “Songs for Gay Dogs”
I’m guessing the Karate Preacher would probably have some strong feelings about this one.
Disturbing on a lot of levels, so kudos for that.
15. Freddy Gage “All My Friends Are Dead”
I’m guessing this guy was a riot at parties.
16. Svenne & Lotta
The sweater/hair combo on these two is just stunning.
17. Millie Jackson
Millie is a lifetime achievement winner, the only artist to have two entries on this list …
18. Millie Jackson “E.S.P.”
And here is the second. I love the convenient placement of the crystal ball right where it’ll magnify her breasts. I also love that she looks like a real life inflatable doll with the weird mouth thing she’s got going on there.
19. The Minister’s Quartet “Let Me Touch Him”
No. Creepy bastards.
Androgynous way before anyone knew what the hell that word meant.
21. Pat Boone “In a Metal Mood”
Tagline: No More Mr. Nice Guy Pat Boone is here to kick some ass, and he’s got the evil glint in his eye to prove it.
22. Lenny Dee “Down South”
Down south is where you take your piano everywhere damn it.
23. Stuff Party
They were going to have a theme for the party, but just … couldn’t … think of anything.
24. The Cooper Family “I’m God’s Child”
I don’t think God had much to do with that woman’s hair.
25. Butch Yelton and Upbound “Swing That Gospel Axe”
I think this is how most serial killers get started, swinging an axe for Jesus.
26. Christian Crusaders with Al Davis
God obviously had a thing against the guy on the left.
27. Something Special
And the circle is complete, as we finish with another bonafide Miracle of God.